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How to Buy a Used Car

by Scott Ezell

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Spoken words with banjo, from a hotel room in Yucatan, Mexico.

Featuring Luke Destefano.

Words (c) Scott Ezell 2021

lyrics

Hitchhike to Minneapolis. Ask directions to Paisley Palace. Have some chili in a diner, extra Saltines. Take bets on the date of the year's first snow. Write haiku notes in the margins of old newspapers. Ask a stranger if Swedish meatballs are really Swedish. Walk to the tire shop in old shoes and ask for a retread. Hit on 18 in Blackjack. Wash your hair in a gas station sink. Scratch your ribs with a broken umbrella. Ice skate as far out on the lake as you dare. Carry spare salt in a pocket of your overcoat. Buy a down jacket for duck hunting season. Take the elevator to the 99th floor and dry your armpits with the hot air blower in the men’s room. Check listings for monthly hotel rooms in the Yucatan. Look up recipies for fried banana peels. Try to go a month without eating onion rings. Rue the loss of performance that results from catalytic converters. Add two different ice creams to your milkshake. Calculate the coefficient of friction for peanut butter (smooth, salted). Toss I-Ching coins without asking a question. Sniff old liquor bottles for clues. Retype “The Snows of Kilimanjaro” on a manual typewriter. Pick up every piece of trash you see in a 24 hour period and paste them in a scrapbook. Commandeer a plane to fly in a holding pattern. Tell a story about how you once sat next to Leonard Cohen on a bus. Meditate on the meaning of blue bubblegum while looking at the sky. Pick snails off the fence in the morning. Send your doormat to the drycleaner’s. Get a tattoo of a corncob pipe. Teach a dog a trick you’re unable to do yourself. Use barber shop hair tonic as cologne. Grow a pencil-thin moustache. Mail a book of matches from a Tijuana strip club to a fake destination in Uruguay with your friend’s house in Paris as the return address. Watch the people watching animals in the zoo. Use a butcher’s block as a writing desk. Wax nostalgic for cheap cigars. Refer to your Johnson as your Lyndon Baines. Call everyone you meet Hoss. Use large stones to write messages that can only be read from the sky. Apply for a job as a judge in a beauty pageant in a foreign country. File a lawsuit against the Catholic Church on behalf of castratos. Correct everyone who calls “pan au chocolate” a “chocolate croissant.” Research the etymological origins of “scimitar.” Invent a buttress that really flies. Make up a nickname for yourself and pretend someone else gave it to you. Kiss a pack mule on the lips. Jangle spare change and keys in your pocket during someone’s backswing on the golf course. Ask your dentist to pull a healthy tooth. Browse old maps of Montana gold mines in a used bookstore. Check the sky for signs of rain. Claim Sir Walter Raleigh as an ancestor. Lay low for a while. Don't even think about trying to win the race.

credits

released June 29, 2021
Banjo by Luke Destefano
Voice by Scott Ezell

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Scott Ezell

Scott Ezell is a Pacific Rim writer and multi-genre artist with a background in Asia, border zones, and indigenous peoples. His music spans folk, ambient, and experimental styles.

www.scottezell.com

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